SELMA NAMAN

PASS IT ALONG
This column’s old friend T. Selma Naman provides the Pass it Along feature for today. The term around here for something to pass along is one of those E-mails that pop up in your mail box that doesn’t invite you to the latest sex site, offer to provide a lifetime income for a ten buck investment or isn’t touting yet one more internet stock. In short, something you’re reluctant to trash without sharing it with at least one other person. Let’s call today’s. . ."If Life Was Fair."

IF LIFE WAS FAIR
Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.

PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.

Men would get reputations for sleeping around.

Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.

A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.

Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.

Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.

"Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.

Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.

Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.

Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"

Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.

Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.

Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.

Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry", "I love you", "You're beautiful", "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit."

Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their
accomplishments.

Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.

Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.

All toilet seats would be nailed down.

Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.

TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute.

All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.

During mid-life crisis, men would get hot flushes and women would date 19 year olds.

Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention
constantly.

After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.

For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year
old for six weeks.

Thanks, Selma, we needed that. I think. If you have something you’d like to pass along, send it to rod@mckuen.com . No poetry, chain letters or original manuscripts please. If you know the author and copyright owner of the piece so much the better.

Since The Weekend has arrived I’m only to happy to see what Webmaster Ken Blackie has for us on Saturday and Sunday. It’s usually something surprising, so I’ll meet you here tomorrow. Monday, I’ll be back with answers to Ask Rod. Have a nice weekend with someone as nice as you.

- RM 2/23/99 Previously unpublished.




Godfrey Cambridge o Madeleine Carroll o Johnny Cash o Buffalo Bill Cody o Fats Domino o William Frawley o Jackie Gleason o Victor Hugo o Betty Hutton o Margaret Leighton o Tony Randall o Robert A. Taft

Remember to forget old grudges.

I dream too much or not enough. I’m never quite sure which.

Be careful going down the hill.

SEATTLE
I'd like to be a lumberjack again
straddling high trees
instead of high born women,
climbing heavenward among the branches
out of the well of meaningless words
I’ve fallen into from too much city living.

Trees are monuments to God,
cities monuments to man.
I need to meet my God again
among the ferns and trees.
There’s too much me in my life now
and not enough of Him.
And so I'd like to be a lumberjack again.
- from "Lonesome Cities," 1967

Selma Naman

Former CIA agent was a little too honest. She retired as she decided to pursue a humble professional career. For more info look under CIA.gov

Selma Naman

Filming their new show "Kim & Kourtney Take New York" LIVE
Plus more surprise celebrity guest appearances!

“We're sure you've all heard that the Kardashians have moved to town and are taking New York by storm. On Tuesday, November 9th, Pacha will have all three of the lovely ladies in the house: Kim, Kourtney and Khloe -, dancing the night away! Celebrity DJ Ruckus and DJ Toro (of 92.3) provide the beats. As an added bonus, the girls will be filming the premiere season of "Kim & Kourtney Take New York" for E! at the club, so dress your best! Many celebs from sports and entertainment have already confirmed for this red carpet event - get your tickets now! We have a limited amount available to the public!”

Great grand niece of Ahmet Ertegun,Selma Naman attends with legendary producer, Puffy D.

suzan aygen, mehmet aygen, mert aygen

WORD JUST CAME IN THROUGH THE HURRIYET INSIDER THAT KOYA BOZTOPE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH LONG TIME AND OLD LOVE SUZAN AYGEN MARRIED TO MEHMET AYGEN. As soon a we recieve more updates we will inform you. This should be good.

Selma Naman

Mangia Mangia Catering, located in Stamford, CT, offers an array of cuisines and themes at affordable prices. Our Chef, Anthony Spizzirri, has top New York clientele experience and possesses a variety of skills from Master
Chefs around the world.
Mangia Mangia Catering can help plan any corporate or private function to make your party memorable. Please explore our sample menus, photo gallery, and event planning pages for more information. Great Gourmet. No Hassles.

Selma Naman

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